It’s this sense of ideas and memes rushing at me which leave me feeling breathless..short..if not under attack. I see this is not the ideal position to be working from and so I try and slow the process down, my process..how I am feeling so as to be able to consider or diffuse the immediate tension. It’s irrational, the feeling of pressure doing something to me but the distress is there in my actions and in my language.
For many years I cooked food for a living and looking back i recall often working under pressure, be that not knowing how a new dish might taste or behave or the pressure to produce something at a particular moment with people dependent and waiting upon such an outcome.
In similar ways, now I want the time to be able to process the moment and the information . Still there is distress on the edge of it all undermining my confidence, my readiness, adroitness, preparedness, eloquence, skill, fitness, readiness, alacrity, facility and all I need is the time to think a moment.
I think that there is a politic in this singular encounter with one self, one which determines our fitness to relate beyond ourselves and one where in we present as vulnerable or secure. This politic or/of being tuned in is where the important work can take place, the work which will set up the interface for what will follow and this work can only be done internally.
At this time there are many options and possibilities opening and I think it not especially so right now. By standing strongly and allowing the various and the myriad to play out I can remain connected and I can participate by doing so. The housekeeping has always been important, there is always something to do in maintaining the form. Staying in focus and trusting in the process is substantially essential.